I hate with what I have and cant get rid of it. Because I spent decades going through a process where I’d be very tired, get into bed, fail to fall asleep, and then keep myself up wondering WHY I couldn’t fall asleep. That's were I belong before I do something crazy. And if I don’t fall back asleep quick, I have trained myself to not freak out over it. Then close your lips and inhale silently through your nose. I just want to go somewhere far away and lock myself up in some sort of Pscyh Ward and not get out until I die. Let your lips part slightly and make a whooshing sound as you exhale through your mouth. Might want someone else to drive u if possible because you’ll be really tired staying up the night before. Then when it comes time to do your sleep study, you’ll be tired as shit. I was on my meds a couple of weeks ago for only 3-4 days but I dont wanna take my meds bc I want to fight this off. Stay up the entire night prior to going to the lab.
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I've been hurt to many times to care about who or who I dont hurt. To a point I really dont care who I hurt and who I dont. Sometimes, in the back of my mind I think that i'm better of being dead then alive and I dont even know why I'm here anymore when i'm better of being dead then still hanging around. I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up. Has anyone ever been in a postion were they think they are okay and nothing is bothering them but sometimes still think about sucide and want to go through with it ? But that something is always stopping you from doing it ? Sometimes, I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again.